Robert's Birth Story

I had feared that R was going to be late and too big for me during my entire pregnancy, never did I worry that he was going to be early, 2 weeks preterm nonetheless. Well I guess all the advice on how children have their own ideas about timing shall be heeded.

Monday (10/27) morning around 6:15 I woke up to what I thought was stronger than normal and much more frequent contractions than the ones I had before, out of caution, I started counting how many I was having, turns out I was having about 9-10 during the first hour I started tracking (and this pattern continued for the next 2 hrs). Then, at about 7am I noticed some fluid leaking, very slight, a few drip maybe, but definitely a different kind of fluid. I waited till my OB's office open at 9am and called right away. After describing to them what's going on, I was urged to make a trip to Alta Bates L&D triage, they suspected a amniotic fluid leak.

We got to the hospital at about 10am, at the triage they tested me for amniotic fluid and started monitoring my contractions right from the start. While waiting for the amniotic fluid test, the nurse also did an internal pelvic exam, which I have to say is quite uncomfortable even in comparison to your regular OB exam. The nurse determined that I was 2.5cm dilated, and as soon as my test for fluid leak tested positive, she told me that I am admitted. K and I looked at each other with the realization that we are having the baby! (Until then I was hoping that all this would be a practice run to L&D.)

I spoke to my OB soon afterward, the concern with an amniotic fluid leak is infection, and given that the baby's 35 weeks, she would much preferred that that baby's outside than inside should an infection occur. Since my contractions are slowing down at that point, I accepted to augment my contractions with Pitocin to speed up the process and minimize the risk of infection. (I should add that I am also on Penicillin every 4hr due to unknown GBS status, I was scheduled to test of GBS at my next prenatal appt.)

The rest of the day was rather uneventful, I was on Pitocin, therefore continuous fetal monitoring, I was having steady contractions every 5min or so, but NO PAIN.... after a while, after being asked 5 zillion times "on a scale of 1-10, how much pain do you feel" I was starting to question my perception of pain, I wonder if the ideal of becoming a mom eminently has given me so sort of super power against pain... Does starvation due to Pitocin count as pain??

My OB came in to check on me around 8pm, she deemed me a mere 2cm dilated, and 50% effaced at most... my reward... over night low dose Pitocin to "soften" things up... and back on to up the Pit every 15min regiment in the morning.

Tuesday (10/28) morning, I had felt contraction all night long, still NO PAIN... they discontinued my IV for half an hour, I was allowed to eat a bit, walk around, Oh, and managed to loose my mucus plug during the walk. And then,the Pitocin started again. This time the contractions are definitely stronger, but still, no pain. I started walking up and down the hallway with K, and we noticed a new pair of parents moving into their delivery room (at this point we have seen several couple parents rushed into L&D and moved on to the postpartum wing) and we overheard the mother exclaim in disbelief that they had forgot to bring their birth plan. To this, K and I looked at each other, and than came K's attempt to bring a little humor into our situation - "should we mess with the nurses and present them our birth plan? our should read that we would like to have our baby arrive 2 weeks before term, and that I would like to be put on Pitocin as soon as possible, and be monitored continuously at all cost..." At this point it seems like I was really just going to have contraction and no pain forever, I was actually starting to feel ok about labor, it was just going to be some painless contractions...

About 9:30pm, my OB finally came again, this time I had insisted on an internal exam (There's a lot of effort in keeping those internal exams to a minimal to reduce risk of infection). This time things are looking a little more optimistic, at was dilated to 4cm at the peak of contraction, and was about 80% effaced, and she told me that she can feel the baby's head above my bag of water! I think I hear PROGRESS, maybe I am one of those who can't feel labor pain(this euphoria was proved VERY short lived). Than my OB said she's going to massage my cervix a little to help things a bit, and than my bag of water POPPED! It was one of the most dramatically weird sensation I've ever felt, it felt like I peed my pants, but the fluid came from my belly instead of bladder! and than like a switch that has been turned on, I felt the distinct and powerful pain of contraction, the kind that takes your breath away, I don't think I could have spared the effort to make any sound or scream.(that took care of my fear of reverting back to my primordial self during delivery...)

From this point on, it is full on pain every 2min or so until about 1am (thanks to pitocin IMHO). K was perfect. I realized in retrospect that I had pretty much internalized the whole pain process, (I remembered my MIL telling me that the most important part of labor is to try to relax during each contraction so that you body can do its job, and I have to say I was proud of myself for remembering and actually following this simple but effective advise) I was almost hyper aware of every sensation, all my surrounding, but I made no sound, spoke nothing other than communicating to the nurse, and according to K, I was extremely succinct with my words at that point.

I have to admit that I did loose my cool at about 1:30am (I was about 7.5-8cm), the pain was so much more powerful than anything I had previously imagined, I told k that I thought I was going to die I think subconsciously, I would never allow my rational self to say something like that. This is when I realized that I needed to do something to remain calm... I have always said that I will not rule out an epi, but always thought that I can go without, I have say this was the first time I seriously considered having it. Eventually I chose to go with Fentanyl hoping to take the edge off the pain, in my opinion, it helped me stay calm (which was tremendously important,) but didn't do jack sh*t for the pain. And why does it always take so long for the hospital to administer pain med after you requested it? in hindsight, it was probably too late to get an epi for me had I asked for it.

Oh, also after 1:30am I had k cover the clock on the wall opposite me, I just had to not pay any attention to time. I started to have the urge to push but was told to hold off as much as possible. Let's be honest, it is almost impossible, my body pushes on its own to a certain degree when I was relaxing for the contractions, which by the way was the only way I could get through a contraction...

Finally the doctor came, and the baby was crowning. I remember her hurried to put on her scrubs and figure it was time to get ready to push. And this maybe TMI, but it feels ex actually like pushing while you are constipated. I was very worried that a long push would put the baby under distress and was determined to get him out SOON. luckily he coorporated, after 3 or 4 pushes (I lost track) he was out, screaming nonetheless, and weighed in at 6 lb 6 oz to everyone's delight. I was honestly hoping for him to be over 5 lb.

After about 1 hrs with us, the doctors started to notice that he's struggling to breath despite initial vigor, and from there he was whisked away into the NICU for the next 8 days. At least we got to hold him right after his birth. Breastfeeding and his NICU however is a different story and maybe a different entry that I am not sure if I am ready to chronicle just yet...